It's not as easy as it looks folks

I know I am am preaching to the choir when I say that life is crazy. There is a reason they chose "monkey" wrench as the tool that blows up the machine. Lately, it feels as if all I do is dodge these chaotic implements and hope that they don't leave a mark when I can't move fast enough.

Ever been there?

Had a plan? Dreamed a dream?

Then it all went caput?

me. too.

It seems I have been in this season of disappointment, redirections and always-changing plans for a while now. Even this blog has been a victim of the chaos of my life - nothing is safe! Just when I think that I have I finally have what I've been searching for, it is taken away. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice... and I set myself up for heartbreak. In complete and terrifying vulnerability, I feel like a failure. I am nowhere near where I want to be or think I should be. Temporary jobs, half finished degrees, and mounting debt does not a comfortable life make.

But I am determined to find God in it all. I don't have a choice. I can't make it through this without His strength and guidance. I am a complete wreck and I am desperate for his presence.

I think, in the midst of my monkey-wrench-induced-pity-party, I forgot how awesome it is to be in the present of my Saviour. I miss the intimacy of Jesus revealing his heart for me. I thirst for the presence of Holy Spirit to bring hope and illumination to the Word. I long for God's creation to sing to me again of His glory.

Because of my inward focus and whoa-is-me attitude, I've missed the whisper in the wind. I have been so obsessed with gaining control in my life, I forgot how letting it go and giving it to God gives me unexplainable peace and security. I want to get back there again. I need to get back there again so that I can be reminded, in the midst of the chaos, that I am loved. That I am secure. That I am called. That I am a Daughter of the Most High King. That I held deeply in the heart of Creator God.

No more excuses. Instead, I give myself permission to accept the endless Grace of God and seek him now. No need to "get things right" or "figure myself out". That is what being in his presence is for.

This just may be the scariest journey yet.

Stick around.

This could get interesting.

xoxo

-S