Excuse or Explanation?

One of the best questions I have ever been asked is this: "Is it an excuse, or an explanation?"

I can't tell you if I read it in a blog or a book, heard it in a podcast or a sermon, or stumbled upon it while mindlessly scrolling through social media.

What is important is that it has become a way for me to reframe my reality.

When I am struggling with something because of x or y or z, I ask myself "is this an excuse, or an explanation".

Here is the difference, at least to me anyways:

An excuse is a reason that you come up with after the fact to make yourself feel better about your decisions. It is superficial and often attempts to cover up what is really wrong. It is a coping mechanism so that I don't have to feel uncomfortable.

An explanation seeks to find the source of the struggle, conflict, or tension, which then allows me to examine what is going on in my head and my heart and attempt to find a solution.

Excuses focus on the problem.

Explanations focus on the solution.

Excuses attempt to find a 'get out of jail free' card.

Explanation attempts to find a better, healthier way to live.

Excuses try to keep me from being responsible for my actions.

Explanations allow me to take responsibility for my actions.

As my good friend has taught me, it is our thoughts that influence our feelings, and our feelings that influence our behaviour, and our behaviour determines out actions and ultimately their outcome. If I am constantly operating from a place of excuse-making, you can see how quickly my thoughts could lead me to have a victim-mentality. A frame of mind where there is nothing that I can do to change the way that life is - I become a victim of my circumstances. That can lead to a lot of self-fulfilling prophecies, such as I am not a hard worker, so I don't work very hard. I am lazy, so I never bother to put effort behind my actions.

However, if I choose to look at the situation I am in and seek to find an explanation for my actions, the actions of other, and recognize the way that I react and why, I am setting myself up to be a solution-seeker. Someone who is ready, willing, and able to rise above the mess and make healthier decisions.

Excuses are easier. Explanations are healthier.

I choose to live healthy in mind, body, and soul.

What will you choose today? Will you keep letting the world tell you that you are a victim of your circumstances? That you have no control over your life?

Or will you decide that you are worth the work of trying to understand your own heart and mind? You are worth the effort and discomfort of taking a good look at yourself, and daring to find the answers.